Have you ever confused a dream with life?
Or stolen something when you have the cash?
Have you ever been blue?
Or thought your train moving while sitting still?
Maybe I was just crazy.
Maybe it was the '60s.
Or maybe I was just a girl...
...interrupted.
Put her in restraints. Withdraw blood.
Hold on.
Give her five milligrams of Valium, IV.
Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate.
There you go.
Aspirin fragments and vodka, I think.
Don't tell me what you think. Take it to the lab.
You should check my hand. There's no bones in it.
A wrist banger.
.Is that why you did this? .And other things.
Her parents are on the way.
Sometimes it's hard...
...for me to stay in one...
...place.
Susanna...
...if you had no bones in your hand...
...how did you pick up the aspirin?
What is my mother doing?
Would you answer my question, please?
How did you pick up the aspirin if you had no bones in your hand?
By then, they'd come back.
I see.
No, you don't.
Well...
...indulge me, then.
Explain it to me.
Explain what?
Explain to a doctor that the laws of physics can be suspended?
That what goes up may not come down?
Explain...
...that time...
...can move backwards and forwards...
...and now to then and back again...
...and you can't controI it?
Why can't you controI it?
What?
Why can't you controI time?
Where were you? Everyone is here. Come on.
.Mary, you remember Susanna. .Yes, I do.
You're wearing this?
I didn't know it was so early. I would've changed.
Everybody, look who's here.
.Happy birthday, Dad. .Thanks, sweetie.
I'm sorry, I want to say hi to her.
Sweetie, would you hold this for me? I just want to say hi to Susanna.
Excuse me. Susanna!
.Susanna! .Professor Gilcrest's wife.
Barbara Gilcrest. You remember me?
Bonnie's mom. I'm Bonnie's mom.
Your skin is so beautifuI.
Wasn't Bonnie in your lit. class?
Yeah. How is she doing?
She just got accepted to Radcliffe.
What a conundrum.
I'm a Wellesley girI, myself.
But I think young women should make up their own mind, don't you?
Are you stoned?
Do you smoke pot?
Take LSD?
No drugs?
How do you feeI right now?
I...
...don't know.
I don't know what I'm feeling.
You need a rest.
Well, I'll go home, take a nap.
No. You need to go somewhere where you can get a genuine rest.
And you're very lucky.
The best place for someone like you...
...is less than a half an hour from here.
You don't mean Claymoore?
Four days ago...
...you chased a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka.
I had a headache.
Your father is a friend of mine.
He's a colleague. He asked me to see you...
...even though I don't do this anymore.
You're hurting everyone around you.
Now, Claymoore is a topnotch place.
A lot of people go there.
Even writers.
Like you.
Great.
Yes, I'd like a cab at 1240 Milford, please.
My mother's here.
It'll be less emotionaI if we do it this way.
Your parents and I talked about it.
Now make sure, no stops.
Susanna, you there?
I want to see you again.
It was a one. time thing, okay?
Just come to my office tonight.
We're opening the presents!
Tell them you're going to a friend's.
Who should I tell first?
My parents, the department chairman, or your wife?
No.
What did you do?
Excuse me?
Well, you look normaI.
I'm sad.
Well, everyone's sad.
I see things.
You mean, like tripping?
Kind of.
Then they should put John Lennon away, huh?
I'm not John Lennon.
Don't get too comfortable.
Shouldn't my parents...?
You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen.
You're over 18. This is your decision.
I didn't try to kill myself.
That's the kind of thing you talk about in therapy, honey. Not here.
Miss Kaysen?
You have the distinction of being the only senior...
...not going on to college.
May I ask what you plan to do?
I plan to write.
Well, what do you plan to do?
Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra or drop acid or go march on Washington...
...I just don't want to end up like my mother.
Women today have more choices than that.
No, they don't.
And here.
You forgot one, dear. Here.
Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself, welcome to Claymoore, Susanna.
This is the women's ward, also known as South Bell.
This is where you'll be staying, and this is where I work.
All right, this is the second floor.
I need you to stay close to me because it's easy to get lost here.
This is our ward.
All right, let's start with this room.
This is the art room.
Polly.
What are you doing here?
I feeI very musicaI today.
.Can I just, for just a second? .Not today, honey.
That's Polly. Come on.
Margie, Polly was in the art room by herself.
I'm sorry, VaI.
The living room.
Everyone hates it.
And these are the phones.
To make a call, pick up the handle, tell the nurse...
...she'll connect you.
This is the nurses' station, which is self. explanatory...
...and this is the TV room, where everyone hangs out.
I want my fucking clothes!
Then you'll have to eat something, won't you?
The check. in board.
You check in here to take a walk on the grounds.
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay
Gotta jump down, spin around Pick a bale of cotton
Jump down, spin around Pick a bale of hay
She thinks that bothers me.
You're an " R," which means " restricted to the ward. "
But soon you'll move up to two. to. ones...
...which is two nurses to every patient.
I won't be here that long. I'm just here for a rest.
It's all right. Everybody gets the same tour free of charge.
Georgina, this is Susanna, your new roommate.
Oh, great. Hi.
You're lucky. Georgina's an excellent roommate.
Why, thank you, Valerie.
You're welcome.
The cops are bringing Lisa. She was at the park.
Will you excuse me? I have business I have to attend to.
Georgina, will you take Susanna to the dining room in a half. hour?
Yes means yes, Georgina.
I know.
Groovy box.
That.
Yeah, they're French.
The French Resistance smoked them, I think.
.Read this?
No. I saw the movie a bunch of times, though.
The movie's based on the first book.
I read that one too, but there were no ruby slippers in it originally.
They added that. This takes place afterwards.
Dorothy doesn't really have such a big part in this one.
Fucking pig.
Get off me!
Thanks, Gretta.
Hey, Dais, let anyone in your room yet?
Hey, girls! Hey, sexy.
It's good to be home.
.Hey, Torch. .Hey, Lisa.
.You miss me? .Not much.
Get her to her room. Gretta will do the strip search.
Who's that with Georgie. girI?
.Where's Jamie? .I can't deaI with this.
Don't give me a hard time.
Where is she? Where's Jamie?
Who are you?
Her name is Susanna, Lisa. She smokes French cigarettes.
.Why is all your shit on her bed? .Open the damn door!
Why? Where's Jamie?
I don't know what you're talking about!
What the hell are you doing, Lisa?
Back off her.
Back off! You've been gone for two weeks.
A lot of shit has gone down. Back off!
How'd she do it?
How did she do it, Valerie?
Get the fuck off me!
You weak people. You're all weak fucking people! You're victims!
You people are fucking sick!
What? No, no. VaI, please. Please!
Get her legs.
Get her feet!
.I got her. .Get off!
Help!
We have got to cut those nails again.
My God! What the hell was that?
That was Lisa.
And Jamie was your roommate?
Jamie was Lisa's best friend.
She was sad because Lisa ran away...
...so she hung herself with a volleyball net.
Meds!
Cynthia Crowley.
Susanna Kaysen.
I am Mrs. McWilley, and these are for you.
.What are they? .They'll help you sleep.
.It's 10:30. I'm not gonna... .For chrissake.
You can discuss it in the morning with your doctor.
In the meantime, we'll agree to disagree.
Take them here. Have some water.
Polly Clark.
You can go now.
Teresa McCullian.
Daisy Randone.
Angela Coury.
Jacqueline Lights.
Donna Smith.
Ryan Reed...
...yearbook editor and member of the honour society.
Heading off to Tulane University.
Congratulations, son.
Andrea Jacobs, president of the French club and honour society...
...and on her way to Sarah Lawrence.
Susanna Kaysen.
.What is she doing? .Some kind of a stunt.
Wake up, freak.
Checks.
Why do they do that?
They're just doing checks.
They'll space them out after you've been here awhile.
That girI, Polly.
How did she get all...?
When she was 10...
...her mother told her she had to give away her puppy...
...because he was giving her a rash.
And so Polly went...
...and found her father's gas can...
...and she poured it all over where she was getting the rash.
And then...
...she lit a match.
Oh, my God.
Well, what about you? Why are you here?
Pseudologia fantastica.
What's that?
I'm a pathologicaI liar.
.What are your plans this fall? .What?
What are your plans this fall?
I don't have any.
I'm gonna be an ethnobotanist.
Full scholarship to M.I.T.
I'm going to join the Krishnas.
Hare Krishna? That's interesting, actually.
I was kidding.
You're Susanna, right?
I'm Toby. Andrea Jacobs' brother.
I was at graduation.
You're pretty when you sleep.
Checks. It's 7:00.
I mean, everybody thinks about it at some point.
How would you do it?
I don't know.
I guess I haven't really thought about it.
See, once it's in your head, though...
...you become this...
...strange, new breed.
A life form that loves to fantasize about its own demise.
Make a stupid remark, kill yourself.
You like the movie, you live. You miss the train, kill yourself.
What?
Let's not talk about this anymore, okay?
Why?
Because it's...
...stupid.
What?
What are you doing?
What? Because I don't want to kill myself? That's not cooI to you?
I don't wanna die. I was just talking.
Look, Susanna, the world is fucked up, okay?
It's so fucked up that if some...
...draft zombie pulls my birthday out of a barreI...
...I'm gonna die.
When's your birthday?
December 30th.
I'll pray for you.
Checks.
You asked for this?
Are you gonna watch?
Afraid so. That's why there's so many fuzzy. legged women here.
Has anybody ever watched you shave?
I got two kids and one bathroom. What do you think?
I think you should lock the door.
- September 14th.
- Zero-zero-two. .Bingo.
.Bingo. Bingo. - December 30th.
Oh, my God.
.Bingo. - Zero-zero-three.
A guy I know was just drafted.
What's his name?
Toby.
He's dead now.
Get out, Lisa!
I'm not in your room. I'm right here.
.I was gonna offer you naiI polish. .Get out!
.You're looking better, Lisa. .Why, thanks, Margie.
.How's the engagement? .You know.
No, I don't. I've been away.
Joe wants me to... Before the wedding.
Fuck his brains out. Use a rubber.
Gosh, hell, no.
Can I bum one?
Go ahead.
So have you had your first Melvin yet?
Who's that?
Bald guy with a little pecker and a fat wife.
Your therapist, sweet pea.
Unless...
...unless they're giving you shocks.
Or, God forbid, letting you out.
Then you'll see the great, wonderfuI Dr. Dyke.
She means Dr. Wick.
I've seen his office but haven't met him.
He's a she. Dr. Wick's a girI.
That's right, M.G. Wick's a chick.
Hence the nickname.
Hey, LiI. When the fuck is my checkup?
It's now, Lisa. You said you'd be in your room.
Can't sit too long without popping the hood.
Asshole!
You have Melvin in half an hour. I'll take you there.
I'm sorry.
.Why are you using the past tense?
What do you mean?
Well, he was...
...only drafted today, so chances are, he's not dead yet.
He probably has severaI months...
...before he even reports.
He was just a nice guy, that's all. And it made me feeI bad.
You've been feeling bad in generaI.
Right? You've been feeling depressed.
I haven't exactly been a ball of joy, Melvin.
I understand you tried to kill yourself last week.
Anything you want to tell me about that?
I had a headache.
So I assume you took the recommended aspirin dosage for a headache.
I didn't try to kill myself.
What were you trying to do?
I was trying to make the shit stop.
The time. jumps, the depression...
...the headaches, the thing with your hand?
All of the above.
I see.
PauI is dead!
What is it? Are you puzzled about something?
Yeah, I guess I am, Melvin.
I'm puzzled as to why I have to be in a mentaI institution.
You put yourself here.
My parents put me here.
No, they didn't.
Everyone here's fucking crazy!
You wanna go home.
Same problem.
M.G, look at me.
Play with me.
Don't be sad. Don't be sad.
Thank you.
.What are these? .Colace. It's just a laxative.
I don't need them.
Are we going to have a problem?
May I see?
Thank you.
Surrender.
Are we going to have a problem?
No problem.
Phone call, booth one.
.Hello? - Hold on.
- Susanna? .Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey. Your father's on too.
He's just back from reserves. He got stuck at Dulles.
How are you, honey?
.I'm fine, Dad. - You know, sweetheart...
If you can't give me Ex. Lax, can I please have some Colace?
No. No more laxatives.
I can get her some prune juice.
Prune juice!
This is outrageous!
She was wondering if you'd made new friends, and I said.:
"No, Mom, this isn't Camp Winnetka. "
.Daisy? .Fuck off.
I have something you want.
Come in.
You're all packed up.
Yeah, I'm leaving in a month.
My dad got me an apartment.
.Really? Where? .It's near the airport.
One bedroom, two baths, eat. in chicken. He fixed it up reaI nice for me.
You mean eat. in kitchen.
That's what I said, asshole.
So what do you have that I want?
Put it on the bed.
Put yours on the bed.
Oh, Jesus. Get out!
Get out!
Don't take advantage just because she's new.
Pony up some Valium.
Get the fuck out, or I'm calling Valerie! Valerie!
Why don't you call Valerie?
Call Valerie and ask her for some Colace, like Susie Q's got in her hand.
Why does it stink in here?
I don't take Valium.
I know. That's the point.
They give them to you, and you don't take them.
Are you gonna eat that?
Checks.
You've got visitors, Daisy.
I want some fucking Colace.
Talk to Melvin tomorrow.
You know what I think? I think you want to poop, Daisy.
I think it's been days.
Look, it's okay. I don't care.
I do! I do care.
So Daddy buys you a private, and no one gets in, huh?
You never leave except when Valerie makes you go to the cafeteria...
...where you never eat. You're a laxative junkie.
I always thought you were like Janet, but here you are with this chicken.
So what's with that, huh?
My dad owns a deli, asshole, with a rotisserie.
I like my dad's chicken. When I eat something else, I puke.
But why do you eat it here? Why don't you like to go to the cafeteria?
Which do you like better?
Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching?
Alone.
Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out.
I like to be alone when it goes in.
To me, the cafeteria's like being with...
...20 girls all at once taking a dump.
That is fucked up, Daisy!
Come on.
All right, assholes. Fine, here.
Here.
Lisa, don't!
No, please...
Dios-fucking-mio!
That's how Daddy knows she's eating.
When I get five, Valerie makes me throw them away.
Scribble, scribble, scribble.
Written anything about me yet?
Don't do that.
Is Daisy really getting out?
She coughed up a big one.
How can...? I mean, she's insane.
That's what "ther. rape. me" is all about.
That's why fucking Freud's picture's on every shrink's wall.
He created an industry. You lie down, confess your secrets, and you're saved.
The more you confess, the more they think about setting you free.
But what if you don't have a secret?
Then you're a lifer, like me.
I was changing her diaper...
...and I turned to get the powder...
...and while my back was turned, she rolled off the bed.
She rolled off the bed and broke her leg.
The doctor put her in a body cast, but also strapped her down.
.This has nothing... .You never told me this.
CarI planned this trip to Santa Monica.
He had a commitment at RAND. So we took her with us.
On the back seat, strapped to this board, 4000 miles.
If you like, Mrs. Kaysen, we can discuss this...
...further on the way out.
Just how long is my daughter going to be here?
With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen...
...psychiatry and economics are different.
The length of Susanna's stay isn't fixed.
It depends on her response to treatment.
For what? Depression?
It's almost Christmas. What do we say to the people who care about her?
See, what's going on here is...
...my parents are having a little holiday cocktaiI Christmas party crisis.
What?
What's the " borderline" business you mentioned?
I don't think that's usefuI to Susanna.
.I mean, not... .What " borderline business"?
.The mind... .Borderline what?
Borderline between what and what?
It's a condition, Susanna.
And it's called Borderline Personality Disorder.
Oh, God.
It's not uncommon.
Especially among young women.
What causes it?
We're really not sure.
.Is it genetic? .Oh, Christ!
It is five times more common...
...among those with a borderline...
...parent.
I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't. I can't do this.
" Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acid stains you; drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawfuI; nooses give...
...gas smells awfuI; you might as well live. "
Gin.
.Asshole. .Fatso.
Call me a cab.
Okay, you're a cab.
Lisa said you got into Daisy's room.
And it was full of chickens.
Susanna, you have a phone call.
So what's your "diag-nonsense"?
.Who is this? - What'd he say to Mom and Pop?
I have a borderline personality.
Well, that's nothing. What else?
He didn't say. He thought it would affect my recovery.
Tongue your meds tonight.
After 1:00 checks, Gretta always goes for a smoke.
Check the mirrors. If they're clear, go to Hector's closet.
It's near the art room, and it will be open.
Torch!
Come on.
This is how Lisa gets out when she escapes!
We're under administration, so... No good here.
Good thing this place has a sliding scale.
We get to mingle with the lock. picking trash.
Good job!
Susanna, you're up!
No, no, no. I've only done this once in my life.
.Come on. .Please.
.We came all the way here. .Come on!
All right!
They put the tunnels in so the loons didn't have to go out in the cold.
I must've missed that in the brochure.
Hey, open the door.
What the fuck are you doing?
Dr. Wick's office.
All right. Georgina Tuskin.
Susanna Kaysen.
Polly Clark.
Cynthia Crowley.
.Congratulations. .Thank you.
Janet Webber.
Lisa Rowe.
Fuck you, Melvin.
Wanna see mine?
Let me see yours.
" Lisa Rowe.
Highs and lows increasingly severe.
Controlling relationships with patients.
No appreciable response to meds.
No remission observed. " That was before you ran away.
We're very rare, and mostly men.
Lisa thinks she's hot shit because she's a sociopath.
.I'm a sociopath. .No, you're a dyke.
" Borderline Personality Disorder.
An instability of self. image, relationships and mood.
Uncertainty about goals.
Impulsive in activities that are self. damaging...
...such as casuaI sex. "
I like that.
"SociaI contrariness and a generally...
...pessimistic attitude are often observed. "
Well, that's me.
That's everybody.
I mean, what kind of sex isn't casuaI?
They mean promiscuous.
I'm not promiscuous.
I'm not.
Jesus.
Look at Janet.
No. It's all right.
You know, taking us for ice creams in a blizzard...
...makes you wonder who the reaI whack jobs are.
You know, I think it's kind of nice.
I mean, I think it's nice to do something nice on Daisy's last day.
Oh, fuck!
I'll have peppermint stick.
Me too. Can I have peppermint stick?
Sure.
It's just called peppermint.
Peppermint dick!
Peppermint clit!
Okay. We're just gonna have four cones.
Four cones.
Susanna, do you want anything?
I'm fine.
Ronny.
Got any hot fudge?
Yes.
Can I have a vanilla sundae with hot fudge...
...and sprinkles. Rainbow, not chocolate.
And...
...whipped cream, cherries...
...and...
Nuts?
Let's have a seat, ladies.
Melvin thought that I should live in a halfway house.
But my father knew that I deserved my own apartment.
So he got me the prettiest apartment.
It has an eat. in chicken...
...and all this beautifuI wicker furniture, which is fantastic.
Wicker butterflies.
My very favourite part...
...is like in the phone book.
There's a sign right outside that says:
" If you lived here...
...you'd be home now. "
Hello, Susanna.
Do you remember me?
You must remember me. Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest.
Susanna, you okay?
I'm fine.
.Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe? .Wellesley.
I'm enjoying it. It's strong in art.
Going to the Sorbonne.
.That's great. .You know, I know all about you...
...and I hope they put you away forever.
Is this the professor's wife?
What professor?
So you told everybody.
Lady, back off.
.Was I talking to you? .Let's go.
No, you're spitting on me, so mellow. fucking. out.
Don't tell me what to do.
Look, she gave your husband a rim job. Big fucking deaI!
He was begging for it, and I heard it was like a penciI.
How dare you!
Some advice: Don't point your fucking finger at crazy people!
Let go of me!
Mother?
Get that out of my face, asshole!
Let go!
Now.
Stop it!
" Rank" you! Come again, Mrs. Professor!
You shared a man with that woman?
.Did you enjoy the fresh air? .Yeah, thanks.
Good. Because it's the last time you're leaving the ward.
Is that a dare or a double dare?
Okay, raise your arms. Very good. We're going to be trees.
FeeI the strength in your arms as the branches.
And reach those branches up to the sky.
Come on, Susanna, reach. Very good!
Lisa, all right.
Reach your arms, girls. Reach. Really lift.
FeeI the stretch through the hip.
Very good. Let your arms be branches.
There's strength in those branches.
Reach, reach all the way up into the sky. Very good.
Let the wind blow the leaves and let your fingers be the leaves.
Good, M.G, very good. FeeI the wind.
Good. Good, Lisa.
Very good.
Just lift up. Lift up. Very good, girls.
Now feeI your feet. FeeI your feet be rooted.
Go down into a pli�. Very good.
Good, girls. Polly, very good.
Now strech it. The wind's blowing really hard this way.
That is not fair. That is not fair!
Seventy. four is the perfect weight!
Good luck, crazy bitch.
What kind of tree can you be down there on the floor?
I'm a fucking shrub, all right?
Martin Luther King Jr. was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.
He was shot as he stood on the balcony of his hotel room.
Last night, he said this.:
I don't know what will happen now.
We've got some difficult days ahead.